I want to charm you. I want you on my side. I want you to speak well of me when I’m away. I want you as my ally. How can I do that without being phony?
Oh, yes, I remember. First, I’ll accept you, treat you with positive regard. We all love that, right? Then, I’ll show you how much I appreciate you; I’ll give you the gratitude you deserve. No one likes to be unappreciated. After that, I’ll show you approval; I’ll shower you with praise—sincere praise, mind you. Any false stuff you’ll see through in a heartbeat. Of course, you like compliments. So I’ll show my admiration for you. I won’t flatter you, but I’ll find some way to actually compliment you. And I’ll pay attention to you. That’s the most important. I’ll show you LOVE. The word’s an acronym for Listen, Observe, Verify, Engage. Listening to what you actually say; observing your body language; verifying what you mean so I understand; engaging you in conversation that will serve us both without gossip.
I think that’ll do it: acceptance, appreciation, approval, admiration, and attention. We want those more than anything. Anyone with the ability to share in those ways is bound to be charming. And a good leader.
Are you with me so far?