Here's the not so secret 'secret':
Remember that you are affirming all the time. Your life is a direct result of your continual affirmations. Check out what you are constantly saying to yourself. As you begin to listen to that conversation more attentively, you will notice patterns. Those patterns, repeated over and over in word and practice, produce your life experiences. They are your beliefs. You respond to your surroundings and incoming data according to your beliefs. And I am not necessarily talking religious beliefs, although they certainly play a major role. I am also talking about what you believe about the world around you, the people in it, and most of all, about your own ability to cope with what you think you see. Years of feeling like the victim make everything appear to be the victimizer. Believing you're not smart keeps you from being smarter. Unloveable mindsets produce unloveable actions.
So, change your thinking, change your life.
You have talked yourself into the world in which you currently reside. You can talk yourself out of it, if you are not happy with it. But chances are, it's comfortable, habitual, and easy, even if it hurts. Even what you've just read will probably go onto the trash heap. Maybe not. Maybe you're ready to make the necessary effort...
Be assured, though, your work is cut out for you. Habits can be difficult to break. Still, if you want it badly enough, your life can and will change.
Question is, do you want it badly enough?